Everyone warned me! When you put yourself out there in a big way, especially online, you will get haters. I have been hit on and had people say jerky things but have not experienced any real hate online....until today. I knew this day would come and was worried about it because I am sensitive and have a history of people pleasing/wanting people to like me etc. However, I was bullied in school so I am no stranger to hate so I think this has helped me around unpacking this first negative online experience.
To be honest, I have also been holding back my true self in some ways and not embracing the real me but I have been doing a lot of inner work the last year or so and am learning that I am not responsible for other people's feelings and when people are triggered and hateful when you are being yourself and living your true life, it says more about them than it does about you. I have also been more open with my opinions and feelings about things instead of worrying about what other people think! You see, I grew up believing that I had to be a "nice" girl and to not rock the boat or say things that might upset people and have learned to censor myself. I have been a "careful good girl" with others for most of my life, quietly rebelling behind the scenes and doing my own thing and getting my feelings out thru journaling or music.
This does not mean that I endorse being unkind or mean. It just means that if I have an opinion on something, I am more likely to be out there with it. If I disagree with someone, I will state my opinion. I will still be respectful if people don't agree with me. I am also going to have 0 tolerence for people that are bullying or attacking me online or in person. I can still have love in my heart for them as I am a strong proponent of the expression "Those that are hardest to love, need it the most." However, this does not mean that I will not stand my ground and I will block people who are disrespectful towards me. I can block, but I can block with love and hope that they will resolve and heal from whatever issues are going on in their life that would make them spew so much hate. I choose not to take it personally and I will go on living my life, creating my music and living my truth!